Thursday, December 24, 2009

To those who have found this blog,

I am a recovered anorexic, and I offer you this. Ana destroys relationships. It wounds the family members you care about. It stifles friendships.

It is not the answer.

It is not control. It is weakness.

Ana may not kill you, but the people you love will be lost to you. Your husbands. Your boyfriends. Your children. Your parents. Gone.

Ana is torture. Loneliness. Hatred. Despair.

You deserve more.

There is life beyond Ana. Joy. Love. Laughter.

Peace.

It is within your reach.

Try.

Please.

I am telling you today that I never thought recovery was possible, and it is.

But you have to want it, and be prepared for a fight to the death.

It's ana or you.

In the end, ana was not the friend I thought she was.

I turned to her in every time of despair.

But she was my abuser. She didn't offer me control.

She controlled me.

It took me 15 years to realize that.

I lost everything learning that lesson.

I will never say recovery is easy.

But I want you to know it is possible.

23 comments:

  1. It's harder to recover than you might think...

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  2. True that what Ana's Girl said.

    It's easy to say things like that when you've never been through it yourself. Maybe you know people who are/have been anorexic, maybe you know about anorexia, but you don't know anorexia. You won't ever know what it truly means.

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  3. you will never understand anorexia until you have been anorexia.

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  4. I was anorexic. Recovery IS possible. NOT easy. Recovery was by far the hardest thing i have ever done in my life (big understatement) and i was enslaved to ana for 25 years. I wish you peace and my heart breaks for the despair you feel. I know what it is to never believe recovery is possible - and what it is to not want recovery. Please have hope. I literally cannot believe how wonderful life is now and how far I have come despite my tortured struggles. Consider reading Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaeffer. There is life beyond this, and I missed so much. Please have hope.

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  5. am i the only one who wants to know what happened to Kat?

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  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  7. Hello, this is Kat. I deleted my blog because of an intervention held by my lovely sister, who I believe wrote this message. She is indeed a hero of recovery and I know that she's been through. I'm sorry about the bloh. You all deserve recovery.

    Email me if you have any more quetions. anakatana17@gmail.com

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  8. Just wondering, why was the comment that was actually from Kat's account deleted? And why is "Kat" talking from the anonymous account? Am I a cynic for calling bullshit at a time like this?

    Well Kat, if nothing funny is going on and you really did go into recovery, I wish you the best and I'm glad you found your way out of this.


    (Though I'm doubtful that someone who's had an ED for so long would consider themselves "recover" after having an intervention so recently.)

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  9. V:
    This message wasn't from Kat. It was from her sister.

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  10. V, Kat's sister found the blog and posted the message. Kat left the comment and moved the blog to another location. Then she apparently deleted the first comment, her profile, and the second blog.

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  11. OMG! I am so freaking confused and upset. I haven't been able to check up in a few days.

    What has happened?
    Where is Kat?

    I even tried to email her and it told me it didn't go through like her email was even cut off?!?!?!

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  12. if della is right (I'm asuming she is as I have no reason not to) that's terrible. If she tried to make a second blog she obviously doesnt want to recover. It isnt really recovery unless she wants it.

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  13. show me that world. that recovered world.
    i cant remember what it feels like to not hate myself for feeling satisfied.
    i wanna believe i could just eat without thinking like i used to.
    i don't think a world like that will ever exist for me again.
    I don't think it exists.

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  14. I feel triggered
    How should i feel about that though...
    Im turning into my own shrink...

    I only just started reading this blog a little while ago, the carpet's been pulled out from under me.
    ana isnt failure. death is failure.

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  15. Hello again, yes this really is Kat. I promise. The reason my first comment here from my account was deleted (and reposted in anonymous) is because I didn't want my sister to click the link back to the profile and find out that I had kept the blog and renamed it.

    Rethinking everything though, I did decide to delete the blog...as of yesterday. Everything that is and has to do with "Kat" (including my blogger account, gmail account, facebook, and the Quest for Perfection website) has been removed from the internet...I need a fresh start and that blog was killing me. It's so hard to leave you all, but I really do want the best for every single person who has read my blog and even if I am not ready to give up my eating disorder, I cannot continue to promote the behavior like that.

    I decided to delete my blog because of my sister. She had read my blog and it almost drove her into a relapse. Seeing my own beloved sister being affected that way by my writing was too much to handle. I love her so dearly, and I can't imagine seeing the thousands of faces of beautiful girls like her who I have helped into the hell of eating disordered life.

    I did it for her, I did it for me, I did it for you. Please understand. I will miss you all so much.

    Stay strong,

    xoxo

    ~Kat

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  16. i'll miss you :) haha.
    Goodluck.

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  17. no. I can't make it without this blog. It has given me comfort, hope, the best proana blog ever written. I just wish I had Kat's old posts to read. I'm in pain.

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  18. Blanch said "show me that world. that recovered world..."

    And someone else just said that they can't make it without this blog because it had given them hope and comfort.

    Here's a start that helped me realize that there was so much more to me and to my life than this tortured existence that lead me nowhere. Read "Life Without Ed" by Jenni Schaeffer and "Life After Ed." See a therapist. Find a support group. Live.

    Trust me, as someone who's been there, there is so much more to experience, and so much more to feel and love in life than this. This, my friends, lead only to emptiness.

    kate

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  19. Someone said they wanted proof a recorved world is better. Well their is no proof. You have to belive. When I came to the road of recovery I wiehed 89 pound you could see every bone in my body. Now I weih 108 pounds and surgging every day. Ana dosn`t let go eaisy she holds a charm that that makes people think they could be better if only add how many pounds here were gone. Ana won`t let go willingly. You have to make her. Ana honts you everywere. YOU have to let go.

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